I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
try to milk me bitch
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
