We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
