just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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