Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
