i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize