I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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