Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
