Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Congratulations! We have a period
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
