Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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