My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
