Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
