so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You left your phone here
Wait...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize