Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Congratulations! We have a period
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