i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
