I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
