Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
