He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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