Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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