She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize