I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
