____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
