To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
