it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
