I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
