I accidentally burped into my bong.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
