If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Is Oprah even human
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
