two words: eviction party
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
