I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
