I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
