hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
