I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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