i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
