Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
