His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
