Nicole vs. Life
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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