69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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