Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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