If i come over, it means nothing
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
