What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
