i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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