...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
