The maid of honor just puked.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
