Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
