it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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