season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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