I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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