Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
