i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
