and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
