Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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