I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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