Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
