I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize