I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
