I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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