WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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