i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
