I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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