Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
