is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
