She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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