I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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