Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
smell my finger.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize