Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
