omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize