I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
