How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
