Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize