So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The best revenge is premature balding
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
