mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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