If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize