Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
