I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize