How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
