I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
