It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
